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David Coats Blog Archive - July 2005

6th July 2005 - Olympic Result!

Well, this is the first entry to my new look website. Its a bit sparse at the moment. I haven't got all the time in the world to sit and work on it, (no thanks to gardens of bath) but hopefully by adding a little every day it should be a little more interesting.

We got the Olympics woooooo! Earlier in my life, whilst working for the railways or especially ICTS in Crawley i would have been mega excited about this. Winning the Bid means an extra £12Billion into London's economy! This is great for the rail industry the building trade, advertising agencies, government departments, east london homeowners and simple londonites! Everyone from everyday commuters to visitors and tourists in London, so many companies will be involved and benefit. Whilst working for ICTS we were working closely with the London Development Agency who are probably the government department with the most to gain from winning the bid. I bet their eggstatic!!!

Now i'm not working with either the rail industry or a government department however, its a little less relevant to my life. Nevertheless, as a sports lover and mild patriot you have to admit it is a little exciting and pretty cool! Yeah Jaques! Spit our fish and chips back at us if you like, but we have the games!!!

One last thing - how tall is shoreham power station chimney?

7th July 2005 - London's Burning

What can I say! I think these pictures say it all!

8th July 2005 - beer, dreams, africa & carbon,

So i've had a few beers and a chinese, i have my pretty blonde on my lap asleep and i'm watching some funny african tribal band on BBC2. i think i'm dreaming?!! The week has felt a bit dreamy to be honest. I haven't quite felt myself. Maybe the knock to me head has done more damage than i first thought!

But what a week it's been. London - important 3 times in a week! I'm not gonna dwell on the events of the week. I don't really want to think about the faliure of the G8 either. Its all too much. No agreement on the climate, little consession for africa and above all the roses I paid £3.99 for - yes, i waited for the penny - the pink roses on the telly are dead. (Yes I am one of those hypocritical types who moans about the environment but buys flowers for his girlfriend).

No-one has asked me anything cool. Hello! anyone there? Dan takes great delight in making fun of my knowledge of Milton Keynes. Well, if you don't ask me any more questions you'll never find out what other absolutely pointless crap i know and am willing to embaress myself by sharing with the world. I had one yes thats one unique visitor today. Who was it? You could have asked me a question!

11th July 2005 - Royal Society for the torture of Builders and Workmen

Its Horribly hot and sticky today. I wanna wear shorts but they are all too short - our 'shorts at work' policy is ¾ lengths only!

The lock on my front door broke on friday afternoon. Me and the landlord charlie spent about ½ an hour trying to get into the house on saturday afternoon. Charlie suggested a 'Southmead shuffle' - a nifty method used by burglars in Bristol - need i say more? But we persevered with our cardboard wedge and after much pushing & twisting we turned the key and the lock fell off! Hey Presto! No need for the Southmead Shuffle after all! That was about the only interesting thing which happened this weekend. Oh, I found out Prince Harry's real name is Prince Henry??!!

Check out this little plugin for your browser I Stumbled Upon!! Its great! you register a username and the kind of sites you want to 'stumble upon' with this toolbar and click the 'stumble' button. An endless supply of humourous and useful sites are at your fingertips. Here are a few of the sites i thought were worth talking about: I am thinking of starting an organisation to torture all builders and workmen who blight our lives with their noisy disruptive behaviour. My life is constantly being plagued by the bastards! Last year they were renovating the house next door with drills and hammers from 8am each morning. This year they are building a block of flats behind my house with circular saws and banging from 7am. Now they have started digging up the road underneath my window for 4 weeks!! using pnuematic drills! I hate them all - give me some peace and quiet! If you would like to join my crusade, link to my site with the link text "torture builders" and we'll start a revolution!

12th July 2005 - £4k in 1 week!

I have made £4k this week! Well, £2k cos its split between two of us!

Of course, without the full story you might be thinking 'Dave, you can buy me a pint tonight then!' The money isn't real of course, we managed to reduce the price of our flat by £4k. But come on, this is still a saving and will reduce our mortagage by, oooh lets think, about £2 a month! Woohoo!

I will add a section as soon as i get the time about our flat purchase and how we managed to get £4k off the price, but for now, I am 4 grand richer and a happy man!

15th July 2005 - Brighton Barbecues

It is so good being here, finally, after 5 years, in the summer, in Brighton. After my four summers working behind the glass of various railways station ticket offices whilst at uni, it is so refreshing to have a job by the Old Steine and spend my evenings on the sea front without worrying about exams or projects or essays or problem sheets etc etc etc!

After work we went to the Western Front for Jon's girlfriend Cally's Birthday and also just to wind down in the evening sun. I had a salad for dinner (being healthy) then cycled to the Marina to get barbecues for this evening (even more healthy). The whole sea front was packed with crazy people and full of smoke from the thousands of barbecues. Met an old friend Ryan and his twin brother Tyler outside the Fortune of War who told me about another mate Gavin who has gone to China for six months. Apparently, he has been witnessing first hand how brutal china can be. He's watched Bears being skinned Alive yes alive! Its almost unimaginable. I feel sick just thinking about watching a bear rolling around on the floor without any skin.

Without having the stomach to listen to much more horror stories (yes there is more to the animal cruelty story) I wondered further down toward the sea for a beer underneath the Moon and Venus. I think this just about sums up Brighton - There must have been a few thousand people chilling out, some juggling, some spitting fire, some naked skinny dipping. If it wasn't barbecues you could smell it was skunk. Perfect basically!

No prizes for guessing whats to come tonight - yes, a barbecue on the sea front, well, 3 actually!

Heres a few beauties I found on the web today - I'm actually quite chuffed - There was a Google PR update last night and I got a PR3! woohoo!

18th July 2005 - Sucking off a mandoll

This weekend it was mostly sunny. Now it is rainy. I quite like it that way. In fact I think that is the best way the weather can be! Sun at the weekend, rain while you're at work!

Went for our barbecue after work on friday. Ate raw spicy bean burgers (the farts have been flowing). Thought i'd lost my keys, went back down the beach, half cut, with a torch, in the dark, looking like a knob, and they are in someones handbag!!! Bollox! Ended up in the Standard and met Stanz, Pittaway and Ryan (twice in a week!!) There was a filty hen party going on in there with the dirtiest old bints wearing skimpy clothes and sucking off a mandoll! I think Ryan went in for the kill, or maybe it was Tyler - can't tell!

Saturday was spent again on the seafront (in Hove darling), drinking Pimms eating salad (Salad is featuring very heavily in my life at the moment!) Sunday, nothing really happened (does it ever on a sunday?) I couldn't sleep last night so have been grumpy all day! If its not couples having sex, or watching sex its the bloody Seagulls!

Time to go and get wet.

20th July 2005 - To space and beyond

As today is the 37th anniversary of man landing on the moon (did we?), I have found some very apt sites whilst 'at work' today! Google, if you haven't noticed already, have attempted to map the moon. The lads at google are very witty you know. See what happens when you zoom all the way in!!
Also whilst 'working' Jonno found this guy who can fly. This Man can actually fly into space, find aliens, swim the seven seas and pop up on a desert island with naked chicks at the end of it all - if only my life was that exciting!

Yesterday I braved the train to London for a meeting with Virgin. It was ever so exciting darlings (notice the British accent). We saw the guards trooping and a parade of posh horse drawn carriages followed by a few bently's. There wasn't anyone famous in them which was a bit disappointing. I was hoping to see the queen, or Charley or maybe Tony Blair on his way to tell the queen he is stepping down as Prime Minister!!?? A boy can dream can't he!

Rather than take the tube (Tom is afraid of the underground now the big girls blouse), we walked from Victoria to Leicester Square, which is suprisingly quick and very lovely. The walk takes you past Buckingham Palce, Pall Mall and Traffy Square, past Nelson on his column and into the cinema capital of England. Virgin seems suprisingly disorganised but unsuprisingly cool. Very much like Richard Branson in his christmas jumpers, everyone was dressed unashamedly badly including the receptionist in shirt, trousers and bright white trainers!

I have little else to say. If you are bored remember - porn is art.

25th July 2005 - Princess Leah in a Bath tub - sails the river Adur?!

Ever thought about making your bath tub into a boat and rowing it down a river? Bit of a bazaar thing to do really, but thats what about 50 crazy teams did this weekend at the annual Adur Bathtub boat race, which took place this Saturday - and I was crazy enough to be one of them. I'll start from the start shall I - Friday Night!

In preparation for Saturday's task I should have taken it easy, maybe gone down the gym or cycled for an evening but no, In true Friday style I got drunk. And not just drunk - smashed! Friday turned out to be one of the most drunken work days I have ever experienced! At about 1.30pm we went for an Ashes pub 'lunch' (consisting of 2 Pints of Sussex Best Bitter!) in the Sussex on East Street. The first pint saw the fall of Ricky Pontings wicket which was swiftly followed by a celebratory second pint! In jovial mood - thinking we might win at Lords for the first time in 70 years (yeah right!) - we arrive back at the office at 3pm (a Friday 'hour' lunch break?!!) to the news we had won a big client worth some £120k. Out comes the champagne and I'm on my way! 5.30 comes - Wagon and Horses; 2 more pints, 2 double JD n Cokes, Caxton Arms; Unknown number of Pints, Evening Star; Pint of cloudy strong Cider - oh yeah, I was drunk. Very Drunk!

The morning of the boat race arrives along with the headache from hell, the nauseating stomach churning and light headed blacking out spells. We drive into the countryside, about 4 miles outside of Shoreham to a quaint little village called Upper Beeding. The place is heaving with burley blokes and funky costumes - and lots of Bath tub boats! Our Boat - Topically named Darth Adur was lifted into the water by the fat crane at the waters edge - along with the other 50 or so bath tubs taking part. Feeling pretty bad and dressed as princess Leah (any excuse for a bit of cross dressing) I went to the pub for some fresh air and hair of the dog therapy.

At 2.30ish, as the tide was turning the countdown commenced and they were off! In a cloud of flour, water bombs and orange smoke 50 Bath tubs each with 2 crew paddled off down the river Adur. What a bizarre sight! After about a mile or so it was my turn, so I hitched me skirt up and jumped in the river. It was surprising how salty the water was (I kind of knew it would be - its a tidal river fed by the sea after all!) but just how salty it was took me by surprise. After half filling the thing with water off I went, Bones and I paddling for dear life. After some knackering paddling against a light but deadly wind (deadly when your in a boat made out of a bathtub!) We approached a bridge full of pikey looking kids holding buckets of water and flour bombs. As we go under a gallon of water falls on my head. As we come out, a ton of flour follows behind! Nice! Just what you need when you're feeling sicker than you've felt in years, knackered from doing more exercise than you've done in years and trying to look your best dressed as princess Leah!

My turn came to an end rather rapidly though thank god and, after jumping out, losing my shoes and breathing in a pint of murky sea water, in went the crazy rowers Loz and Scotty - where they stayed for the duration. The duration was about 3 miles more, knackering enough on foot let alone rowing! After what seemed like a life time of walking, and with sores between my legs from the rubbing of my salty cheap Primark boxes shorts, we reached the finish line in 27th Place after 2hours and 23minutes.

The great thing is, we had our own little race going on between ourselves, Darth Adur and the other lads from our group who had a second boat 'The Redemption Corporation'. From the start they were ahead of us and after our near catastrophic sinking we were about 20 minutes behind at one stage. Loz and Scotty's fantastic effort though saw us reach neck and neck right at the finish line where we finished only 7 seconds behind them! Damn! Darth Adur had the last laugh however when we won the trophy for most topical tub! Woohoo!

Chafed, sore and worn out, we trained it home with a rather drunk Leo, carrying a rather dodgy sign he'd either found or stolen from a wall. On one side it said 'Fun Day' whilst on the other it said 'No Missiles, Flour Bombs Only'. Whilst on the train back, the sign took on a new meaning in the current 'lack of security' climate, especially when the 'flour' bit was covered up! Sunday was spent relaxing in the pool rooms above the Regency Arcade on West street and in the Hop Poles for Sunday Lunch.

I will hopefully have some photos to place on here of me in the tub, although I didn't manage to take any myself. You can check out some Bath tub photos here although there isn't one of Darth Adur!! The sodding Redemption Corporation is there however with a fantastic photo of Rob and Stu. There's always next year to become a famous rower ey!!

28th July 2005 - Lorry crashing into scaffolding

I feel totally drained this week. After the crazy antics at the weekend I havenít stopped or had much sleep since. Tuesday night I skipped my evening meal and replaced it with 4 pints. Bit silly considering the next morning I went to see car insurance company esure and consequently felt wrong all day. They are based in delightful Reigate which has to be one of the most boring places ever - much like most of Surrey! (Long live Sussex!!) The number of charity shops selling Gucci clothes and the latest unread books and unused CDís are astonishing. You know when a town is full of wealthy people when the charity shops are so good ey!

The big day is nearly here. Tomorrow we complete our property purchase and get the keys to our lovely new flat! Itís not as exciting as it could be as the next few days are going to be even more mental that the previous few! Tonight is our client party on a boat and in the Hotel Seattle in Brighton Marina with an open Bar until 12. Any other time this would be really cool but I canít stomach much more alcohol and Iím certainly not looking forward to talking to clients in my delirious state. I just feel like crashing out and getting 12 hours sleep.

Last night I started my packing and managed to get quite far, although didnít get to sleep until 1am. At about 6.30am A huge crash startled me awake. I leapt to the window to see a lorry had crashed into the scaffolding against the house next door. Rather than reversing and correcting his mistake the driver jumped out of his cab, looked at the piece of metal embedded in the side of his van, shrugged, got back in his cab and carried on! The consequence being a 2 inch whole was ripped the length of the van and the side of the scaffolding came away from the wall. At about 7 the useless builders started putting it back up again banging and crashing and dropping pieces of scaffold. I hate builders. Torture them all remember! Thankfully I will be away from the centre of Brighton next week, and into beautiful Hove (although rather than noisy builders to put up with Iíll have the railway line keeping me awake!)

I donít have many funny things to publish today - Iíve actually been doing work! UK Dragon has some very funny pictures, especially rucksack bomb underground t-shirt related pictures, bad taste for some no doubt!

29th July 2005 - Dolphins in Brighton Marina!

Today I am officially a home owner! Our purchase was completed this morning along with the death of my liver! Yesterday was our client party and I really canít believe I am at work. I feel remarkably good considering I got to bed about half 3 this morning and didnít get to sleep for god knows how long. But lack of sleep aside, I own a flat!! Woohoo!

Our party started at 6pm in the Hotel Seattle in Brighton Marina and continued on a boat around the two piers finishing in Koba bar at 3pm. We streamlined it in 4 cabs past the skanky Cinema and Asda and into the Ďup-marketí hotel area and the Seattle. Our second floor room with ridiculously large balcony overlooked the whole Marina with cracking views of the sea. The Champagne reception was over before Iíd noticed it had started so I went straight for the beer. I felt pretty ropy as it was but the beer sorted me out and it wasnít long before I was merrily chatting about search engines to solicitors!

The first boat trip went without me but I wasnít too bothered - just as the thing rounded the corner of the Marina the heavens opened and it pissed it down! The bosses all hid under a canopy while we laughed at their misfortune. As soon as the boat returned it stopped raining and out came the sun. My turn in the boat had arrived. I grabbed a couple of beers and hoped aboard. We left the Marina and headed toward the Palace Pier to an amazing sunset (above photo) and toward the west pier. There were 3 crazy looking cocktails, all of which I naturally had to try. On our way back, as we approached the entrance to the Marina, the front of the boat erupted with shouts of Ďdolphin dolphin!í After my numerous glass bottom boat experiences with club 18-30, where thereís no end of dolphin/whale/shark wind-upís, I didnít believe a word - but then before my very eyes the fin of a dolphin appeared in the water. I couldnít believe it! A dolphin - in Brighton! The skipper turned the boat and we headed toward the fin and up he went again. This time we got a proper look. I donít know much about Dolphins or Porpoises so it could have been either, but the amazing sea creature jumped in and out of the water then followed the boat at the front until we headed back. I canít believe they like these waters - that horrible, dirty, cold, Brighton sea water can harbour such amazing large creatures. What is global warming doing ey!

After seeing the dolphin I was properly charged but getting more and more drunk! We went back to the Hotel for barbecued Tuna, Sardines, Prawns, Steak, Cous Cous and Greek Salad - lovely jubbly! A second night time boat trip followed the barbecue on our sales guy Davidís power boat. The waters really were surprisingly warm and the views of Brighton from the sea at night are spectacular. At 12 we had to leave the Seattle so headed into central Brighton to Koba Bar for a late night rendezvous with extortionately priced cocktails (we ran up a bar tab of over £300 for 1 round of drinks!) At about 3am I staggered home to my housemates graduation house party! Needless to say, I joined them for a while before passing out to Ministry of Sound Ibiza chillout 2!

So yes, after all of that today is the day I collect the keys to my flat. I shall post after the move when we have computers and broadband set up. I may also place some photos from the party too!

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