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David Coats Brighton Blog - May Archive

May 24th - Coats no longer coatless!

So on Sunday, I walked into Brighton to try and free my Bike. I thought it probably best to tell the police I would be hack sawing a bicycle in the centre of town, but they seemed particularly uninterested. I spoke to two policemen near the clock tower who shrugged their shoulders and gave me a number to call. When I called the number, the guy at the other end seemed more interested in logging the crime figures than alerting the rest of the force of the apparent crime I was about to commit. He eventually took the details of my bike and I started hacking.

I don't know if you've ever tried hack sawing a hardened steel cycle lock before? Don't bother. All I achieved was the removal of the plastic layer from the outside of the lock and a blunt hacksaw. The next day, I tried poking things into the key hole to try to pick the lock. Again, no use. Just as I was about to give up and call someone with an angle grinder, I received a telephone call.

Someone managed to pick up my coat along with a pile of other coats and take it with them. They handed it back to the bar and, fortunately for me, I was in London the next day to collect it. I don't really understand how you do that, but I don't really care. I have my keys, my waterproof mac and have freed my bike before it got stolen - which makes me happy!

May 27th - Bank Holiday activities commence

Last night, Nick, Ben, Amit and Moley came down from Bath to drink and work for me in my garden.

We tried to have a quiet first evening so we went to the Palmeria round the corner from me. If you've never been before, it’s a very quiet pub even though it looks like a dirty lads sports bar from the outside. There are two pool tables and quite a few plasma screens so we chilled out with very cheap beer and entertainment. Unfortunately for our health, it was open until 12, so we drank and drank until we were a bit too merry and went back to mine with take-out beer and wine.

I say unfortunate for our health for two reasons - firstly, Nick and Moley found out we had a vacuum cleaner. This incredible invention creates suction through a tube which is usually used to suck up dirt. Nick and Alex found a new use for vacuum cleaners - sucking the life out of their manhoods! I would show you the video’s but their a little too graphic for this ‘quality’ site! I will show you in person if you are really that interested!

The second reason was because at the crack of dawn the next day, Ben woke up to demolish our concrete patio - with a sledge hammer and pick axe! Most mornings after I've been drinking I wake up with what sounds like a sledge hammer hitting my temples, but this morning, the noise was real. We dragged ourselves up for what turned into the hardest days work ever! Whilst Ben and Moley smashed away with hammer and axe, Nick Amit and I went to Tesco to get a big fried brekkie for Rachel to cook.

Once we'd munched, We set about filling around 40 rubble sacks with the remains of our patio, which Moley and I took to the dump. We had to make two trips as there was so much, so the first trip we went to Hove Refuse site. A big sign states no more than 6 sacks of hardcore per month - we had around 25! The guys however couldn't care less, so we dumped it and left. At Brighton Tip, in Whithawk, they were much stricter. We had to park the van, get it inspected, sign a disclaimer and carry it into the site on a trolley. Jokers.

Anyways, After the tip we went to Wickes to buy Concrete. We bought 32 25kg bags of Aggregate and 8 25kg bags of cement (quick maths = 1000kg - a tonne!) and spent the rest of the afternoon lugging this from the van to the back garden. Little 11 stone Alex could somehow lift 3 bags on his shoulders - whilst 13 stone me could barely manage 2! Guess that’s what you get if you're a labourer - strong! We mixed and laid the concrete which Alex levelled off to a lovely smooth finish.

Alcohol beckoned once again, so we headed off into town for some drunken antics. After a dirty pizza in picollos with Pete, Al, Connolly and some of the other Sussex Uni boys, we headed to the Funky Fish club on the sea front.

May 29th - Event 2 Brighton steal our money

Sunday started at about 2pm, after a long hungover lie-in, with a walk to the pub. No, we're not alcoholics - its just fun! Yes that's English culture! It was quite a nice day so we went from the Coopers Cask on Farm Road to Gemini on the Sea Front, to The Beach on the Sea Front, to Riki Ticks and finally to Weatherspoons. I honestly believe Weatherspoons was the best of the lot! A round of 5 drinks cost £22 in Riki Ticks - whilst the same round was £12 in Weatherspoons. We added fuel to the fire with a shot of Zambuca each for every beer and by 12 we were all pretty steaming.

We decided we would go to a Drum and Bass night at the Event 2 on West Street. Now, everyone knows the Event is a shit hole - but on a non-cheese night its actually not that bad. Its big and loud and, as promised by the flier - all drinks were £1.50 and it was open until 4.

The Flier lied.

We got skanked

At 12.30 - after around half an hour of expensive drinks - the lights came on and an announcement was made stating the club would be shutting. Apparently, the promoter had done a runner with our £8 entry fee and there weren't enough people to keep the club going. After around half an hour of standing in the lobby shouting 'we want our money back' the police were called and we were forcibly removed - one by one. Anyone who spoke got shoved against a wall by the heavy handed bouncers while the police did nothing. In fact - the only thing the police did was tell me to stop filming the heavy handed behaviour on my phone. Wankers.

All I can say is I will never be going there again for any reason - and I hope anyone reading this will think twice about it too. The Event 2 Brighton will steal your money and treat you like mugs.

Anyway, after being kicked out, we stood around outside wondering what to do, when we met 2 girls. Nick and Ben started chatting them up and, after realising we weren't going to get in anywhere else after 1am, we all went back to my flat - where the two girls from Newhaven would eventually stay! Need I say much more - 4 guys, 2 girls, one room, one bed. Dirty behaviour!

June 14th - Back to the future

So back to today again. That's all thats really happened - Except some unhappiness. I'm off to Bath this coming weekend, and of course, watching our worldcup game tomorrow. Lets hope its a better than Saturday's which was awful!

As for the future - I'm not sure what to do about this site. I've not got much time to blog much, so was thinking of trying to concentrate more on answering questions or increasing interesting content such as my flat stuff or photos. Very soon therefore, this blog may become a much smaller part of this site - with potentially the homepage giving way to something different. I'll keep you posted (or not!).

May 20th - Coats loses his Coat

I'm a little pissed off at the mo. I went to a client party last night - New Business Startups - which was held at an exclusive Jazz Bar Octave8 in Covent Garden, London. We arrived about 2pm - a little late - so just put our jackets on the back of a stool by the bar and grabbed some free champagne. We stayed all afternoon and, at around 5pm, the bar opened to the public. I continued to chat to loads of interesting people, and was having a great time, until at around 6, I went to check on my jacket and it wasn't there. I checked all the surrounding stools before doing a systematic sweep of all the stools, chairs, corners and tables - to no avail. Some bastard had stolen my Jacket. The worst thing about it is that all my keys were in the pocket. I now cannot unlock my Bike which is locked right by the Old Steine in the centre of Brighton.

Tenner says its gone on Monday!

If it hasn't already been stolen, I am going to have to hack the lock off somehow - for which I'll probably be arrested!

I am also annoyed because I am coming down with a cold. Right now i'm in the 'sore throat' stage which is just becoming a stuffy head and clogged ears. Tomorrow I'll be snotty which will last about 2 weeks. For me, this is real proof that Vitamin Supplements work. I ran out of Multibionta Probiotic Multivitamins about 2 weeks ago after taking them since Christmas - I haven't been ill once. As soon as I stop taking them - I'm like death warmed up.

So, as I'm feeling so shit, I've stayed in this evening and watched Big Brother. Oh dear. Pete is the greatest guy ever. Its pure genius putting a guy with Tourettes in the house as he's one of the nicest guys ever - who just shouts 'wanker' a lot! Nikki, however really is the most grotesque character ever. For those of you who haven't seen it, she had a screaming fit because she can't drink tap water and must have bottled water. She's a petite, well spoken blonde girl from the Home Counties but epitomises everything wrong with the world. So incredibly stuck up - give me a chav from Whitehawk any day over someone like that. My tips to do well - definitely Pete and Imogen - Tips to be out first - Nikki or Sezer.

I can't believe I've just posted about Big Brother - What am I turning into! Someone save me!

May 19th - Champions League final 2006

So Arsenal lost.

To be honest i'm disappointed

Not in Arsenal's Performance

Not at Barcelona winning

But at UEFA.

Why appoint a referee to oversee a match who spoils such a quality game?

Lets get this straight - I'm NOT an Arsenal Fan - However I am a football fan. Last nights game had the potential to be one of the best games in European football history. A team of the most talented youngsters vs a team with some of the world's most rated footballers. Theres no doubt Arsenal were the underdogs, but the potential was there for an upset. Arsenal started off so brightly, then Jens Lehmann had to spoil it. This could have started the argument against the referee but I say fair play. Lehmann fouled, Eto'o was on goal and last man standing. It was a professional foul. Goal should not have stood, Lehman was off. However, there then followed some of the most bizarre decisions in football history. Blatant dives honoured, fouls which weren't fouls given and offsides not given. The game was stop-start and shambolic. I'm not normally one to knock referee's - hardest job in the world! But on a night of such class, disappointing. UEFA could at least have picked someone proven not to disrupt the flow.

Anyways, fair play to Barca - you played well. Ronaldinho - England are no longer scared of you however! Arsenal - one day it will be yours. Sol Campbell. Yes. Payback for all those goals you scored which were disallowed. For this reason I have turned my blog redcurrent for the Arsenal.

I will have an England design in 23 days. I'm soooooo excited!!!

May 16th - Brighton Festival Pyrotechnics on Preston Park

Below is a finally finished account of last weekend. I didn't end up posting on the 8th as stated - because like so much at the minute (cellar, wardrobe etc etc) I left it half finished!

This weekend we went to the Pyrotechnics display on Preston Park. It was pretty cool, although there was a distinct lack of fireworks. Basically, there was a stage with a trapeze structure above and a few podiums. Several guys were dressed in glowing suits which they could turn on and off and would swing from the .

All the pictures I took of the display are pretty awful as I only had my w800 and it doesn't deal with the night very well - but I've included the following;

Brighton Festival PyrotechnicsBrighton Festival PyrotechnicsBrighton Festival Pyrotechnics

Oh, also, the funniest thing ever happened at work yesterday. Above the Sugar Cube at the bottom of North Street is a house with a balcony. At about 4.30pm some guy put the worst Simply Red song ever at full volume on his stereo and started dancing on the balcony. It was the most bizarre thing ever! He must have been tripping. i don't think he realised so many people were watching but when the song finished we all clapped and he took a bow! Freak!!! Alex video' ed it for your pleasure and uploaded it to youtube under Stoned Brighton Dancer!

May 8th - DJ Yoda @ Concorde 2

This weekend I turned 18 - again! Jon and Addam had the idea on Thursday of going to see DJ Yoda at the Concorde and, seeing as though I had my rare weekend of no ties, we snapped up some tickets and got on our way! Will from work knew Yoda from his days working in the record industry, so him and Mark came along too - on the guest list (damn our quick thinking ticket purchasing minds!) Jon, Addam and I met Mark and Will in the Sidewinder and managed to get 3 free pints whilst the barman disappeared to get pint glasses. I didn't intentionally not pay, but when the guy came back he just put the glasses in the dishwasher and went away again. I wasn't gonna stand about was I! After a few Weston's Organic Ciders, we made our way over to the Concorde for DJ Yoda.

For those of you who have never seen Yoda, he's a DJ who mixes old skool pop tunes with hip-hop, and scratches in famous people talking - from Video Footage!!! Its incredible. The guy plays Michael Jackson, mixes it with Wu Tang and scratches Homer Simpson over the top - which is in time with a video of Homer. The effort which he must put in to putting together a set like that must be incredible. The scratching is perfectly in time with the motion on the screen - even after 2 hours! The only downside is that everyone stops dancing and just stands watching and marvelling! Good old Jonny tried to get on stage to do his usual eyyyyyyy pose (If you know Jonny Stewart, you know what i mean!)

Once the set was over and the lights had come up, we all left the Concorde and headed to the Ocean Rooms. By this time I was pretty pissed and really couldn't be bothered to stay out for much longer, but as it was free entry, I thought what the hell. We went straight downstairs to a mental Drum and Bass sauna full of Chav's and Students shockin out to some dirty beats. Heaven! I haven't been to a drum and bass night for about 3 years and really loved it! The night came to an abrupt end at about 5.30am when the main Speaker by the DJ Booth fell off the ceiling! We headed to the Market Diner for some early morning munchies before the long walk home. I finally got home about 6.30am, ears ringing, feet sore but feeling good!

At about 3pm on Saturday, I dragged my now rotting carcass out of bed and headed to the gym to wake me up a bit. I always find I'm surprisingly spritley after sleeping in the day! After my workout, I met up with Stanz, Ryan, Sarah, Deano, Dan, Jane, Naomi, Bear, Biggie, Andy, Louisa, Duncan, Caroline, Adam...The list goes on! It was quality! We stayed in the Fiddlers Elbow all night as it was £1 a pint of Beamish and got hammered - again! As i'd got there about 5 with no lunch, I cheated at about 10 and had a sandwich, which did kind-of spoil the drunkenness - but very possibly prevented me making a twat of myself! At about 1am, for some reason Huw decided it would be a great idea to go to the Rendezvous Casino at Brighton Marina?! We headed off in two taxi's for continued drinking (for me anyway - for the others, gambling gambling gambling!). Dan, Saro, Naomi and I sat and drank while Deano and Huw gambled. Deano (lucky fecker - he did work in a bookies!) won enough to buy us all a round and pay for the taxi's home - sweet - and there ended the night!

May 3rd - Freedom!

On Sunday I became a free man. Yes, Rachel has gone on holiday to Tunisia for a week leaving me to fend for myself all alone. Woohoo!!! To be honest, I haven't had much of a chance to make the most of it. As usual, work is taking it out of me, but come the weekend - oh yes! Stanz - its your birthday - I'm prepared - are you? Its been a long time since we last get trashed - so we gonna make it a good one. Prepare to get thrown in the sea and get your clothes given to a tramp whilst Pittaway throws pebbles at you. I hear we're going to the Revenge - get in! Perfect for you Michael you big girls blouse! Dan, Saro and Deano should be there too so will be a proper reunion!

I've had quite a few questions relating to my wrist so I thought i'd give you all a bit of an update. It's now been 6 months since I fractured my left Radius and it's pretty much back to normal. It took around 4 weeks after the plaster came off for me to stop noticing how weak and useless it was - although I couldn't (and still can't) do pressups. Twinges come every now and then. For example - whilst using the machine to remove paint from the Cellar walls, the twinges got slightly worse. It does make me wonder if it will ever get back to normal. Putting any significant amount of weight on it is still difficult - looks like i'm always going to have man breasts if I can't do press-ups!

So Joss - I hope you have had luck finding a Surgeon for your wrist and Suzy - thats what you can expect when your cast comes off - a few weeks of it feeling weak, and almost broken again, but it will get better. I wish you both the best of luck!

Anyways - talking of my bitch tits - I have finally started trying to do something about it. When I left Uni I was a svelt 69kg - today I am 84kg! Nearly 2 stone heavier! So today I joined one of Brighton's most secret Gyms!. Membership is only £22 per month off peak with no annual contract and it has everything - including a pool! Ok, so the machines aren't the newest and there aren't plasma screens everywhere, but it does the job and will hopefully help me feel less lathargic in the afternoons, and make me feel better about living on pizza!

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